Ever just want to go back to simpler times? Times . . . without such bearing? I want to go back to 50 lbs. ago, when I thought I was fat. Or 10 lbs. before that before I was diagnosed. That would be even better. Fall of 10th grade. A Christmas Carol. Barely memorable. I know I played the piano in it instead of a role. I never really played a role for her. For anyone but myself.
I don't know what role I'm supposed to play now. I don't have a stage, I don't have an obvious timeframe or goal anymore. I've made it past those, more or less intact.
There's no solace in tonight. I could weep more, I could sedate, I could sleep. Many "I could"'s and few "I will"'s.