Blurred Vision.

So I'm going on this new blog endeavour, and went perusing an old internet blogs.  It really . . . affected me.  Like . . . I very much live day to day.  And . . . I separate who I was from who I am.  Things . . . are just difficult to read.  I know I'm ever evolving, but . . . maybe I don't want record of it.



"In every conceivable manner, the family is a link to our past, a bridge to our future." -Alex Haley

{"Swingset" by Trobs, DeviantArt}

If I could freeze a moment in time, in my memory, where it is summer in life's blossom and The Farm is as it always was, I would happily be penniless.  But as life waits for no man's fancy, the farm and warmth of my memory has long since cooled, and we are left without it in the present.

There is no conceivable way I can possibly articulate gratitude for the gift you have given me, but as my heart cries to voice it, I will try.

I am so grateful to have some relief of my financial burdens, and cannot tell you how positive a change it will make for my life.  Having just an extra $200.00 a month means I don't have to live paycheck to paycheck, in fear of the unexpected.

I love you both, and hope I've managed to convey how much this truly means to me.




I'm a bit overwhelmed. But not, like usual, in a negative way.

Some time ago I wrote of my Grammie's passing and the selling of the farm I grew up on. Well it is about to pass. Pass hands. Lifetimes. Into oblivion? Demolition? It's not in our hands. But my mother knows just how painful my monetary situation is and has decided to give me and my siblings each $10,000.


For me, that's half a year of work. Half my yearly salary at this point. Crazy.

I'm just overwhelmed. I don't know what to say or do. And also, it's really a gift from my father, who I will have an infinitely more difficult time communicating with.

Mom's going to pay off my car loan and then just give me the rest. That extra $200 a month means so much. I don't have to be a paycheck to paycheck wreck anymore. It seems so silly that such a gift can change me so substancially.

I just don't even know how to process all this.