Snowed In.

I suppose today is as good a day as any to write an update.  Especially since I can't do much else.  It looks like we have a decent foot at least of snowfall.  As a side comment, kudos to Dominos for 1.  Being open, and
2.  Delivering me their tasty goodness!

I definitely gave a $10 tip to my driver and his 4WD.  Praise him.

Life after Faire has been interesting.  At first I was like, I don't know what to do with myself over the weekends, but then the soft semblance of a social life emerged from said Faire, and I've been hanging with some of the best.  Faire has just truly enriched my life in so many ways . . . I'm so glad I put myself out on a limb and got back into doing what I love.

As an extension of said involvement, I am now part of a group of players who are putting on That Scottish Play for the spring.  I didn't express interest well enough in time, I think, to be cast, but I will be stage managing, which is different but still engaging and challenging.  And really, if not for the challenge, what for?  But it's a group of people brought together by Faire and an independent act of sorts that came up with the idea, and it's been around for about 10 years.  A small group, with any profit feeding back into the group.  It should be fun.  The read through was hilarious.  Keeping all these dominant, extroverted personalities in check and focused for rehearsal should be interesting.

In other news, it is almost the holidays, and I can, for the first time since my leaving the caretaking of fuzzy, homeless, friends, travel to my extended family and true "home" for Christmas.  It really isn't Christmas if not at Gramma's.  I spent every childhood Christmas there, big get-togethers; and although the people and format have changed a bit over my years, it is still the very soul of Christmas.  I'm so excited to be able to spend the time there.  I'm a bit worried considering the recent weather and said travel, as it is around 800 miles, but I'll get there.

And that is all for now, I suppose.  With infrequent updates comes infrequent readership, but I know those that truly matter will be delighted.  


As a Baby's Bottom

So, as I sat in the tub, grooming my . . . self, I realized: more women have seen my (un)mentionables than males. ANNNND I've had more doctor pairings than actual intimate pairings.

{Nurse Joy, Pokémon}

These are the things I think about.

I just love my annuals.


It's All The Rage

First, Favourite, Last.

1) First Job
~~ I worked at a local farm store I could bike to.  

2) First Grade Teachers Name
~~ Mrs. Utley.  She ended up taking maternity leave through some of it.

3) First Crush
~~ Me and two other friends each targeted a boy in first grade.  I liked Jacob.  We chased them around at recess and if we caught them we gave them a kiss.

4) First Love
~~ That'd be my current.  <3

5) First Childs Name
~~ I've always liked Eva.  As in, "Ay-vuh", not "Eve-uh".

6) First Pets Name
~~ Actually, her name was Kitty.

7) First Car
~~ 1990 Ford Taurus.

8) First Kiss
~~ A guy named Ian my freshman year of college. (Oh yes.)  It tasted of cigarettes.

9) Favorite Ice Cream
~~ Mint Chocolate Chip.

10) Favorite Vacation Spot
~~ Daytona Beach, Florida was awesome.  I wouldn't mind going back to Long Beach Island.

11) Favorite Tv Show
~~ Right now?  I must admit I caught the Glee virus.

12) Favorite Season
~~ Spring.

13) Favorite Color
~~ I gravitate to earthtones.

14) Favorite Time Of Day
~~ The time I'm aschleep.

15) Favorite Food
~~ Thai.

16) Favorite Holiday
~~ Christmas.  It's cliche, but there's always such warmth about it, and I get to see family I don't usually see all year.

17) Last Time You Cried
~~ Faire finale during Parting Glass.  I knew it would happen.

18) Last Thing You Ate
~~ Toast and Jew cakes (Manishchewitz potato pancakes) .

19) Last Place You Went
~~ Brett's last night for a Halloween party.  Much merriment was had.

20) Last Time You Showered
~~ Last night before said party.

21) Last Thing You Drank
~~ Grape Juicy Juice.  From a juice box!

22) Last Person You Sent A Text To
~~ To mah Beff!  Happy Howloween!

23) Last Person You Spoke To
~~ Ed.

24) Last Thing You Bought
~~ Groceries yesterday.

25) First Bicycle Color
~~ Royal blue!  It was a bike with a cute little car in the back for another person to sit.

26) Last Time You Told Someone You Loved Them
~~ A few minutes ago.

27) Favorite Smell
~~ Many.

28) First Thing You Do In The Morning
~~ Press snooze.

29) Favorite Sports Team
~~ Um, go bears?

30) Last Name
~~ I wish it was still Dashnaw.  It's who I am.


"Now I Lay Me" by Sharon Olds

It is a fine prayer, Now I lay me
down to sleep, the power ofthe child
taking herself up in her arms
and laying herself down on her bed
as if she were her own mother,
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
her hands folded knuckle by knuckle,
feeling her heart beating in the knuckles.
Knees on the fine dark hair-like hardwood
beams of the floor, she commended herself
to the care of some reliable keeper
so that all night there might be a part of her
no one could touch. Unless whild God had that part
she did not have it, but lay there a raw
soulless animal for someone to do dirt on . . .
If I should die before I wake seemed
possible, some nights, the father with the blood
on his face, the mother down to eighty-two pounds, it was a
mark of doom and a benison
to be able to say I pray the Lord
my soul to take - the chance that, dead,
she would be safe for eternity, which was
much longer than one of those bad nights -
she herself could see, each morning, the
blessing of the white dawn, like some true god coming,
she could get up, and wade in the false
goodness of another day.
It was all fine except for the word take,
word with the k like a claw near the end of it.
What if the Lord were another one of those takers,
what if the Lord were no bigger than her father,
what if those noises through the wall were not
her mother and father struggling to do it
or not do it, what if those noises
were the sound of the Lord wrestling with her father
on the round bedroom rug, and what if the
Lord, who did not eat real food,
got weaker, and her father, with all he ate
and drank, got stronger, what if the Lord
lost? God bless Mommy and Daddy
and Sister and Brother and Grama and Grampa
in Heaven, and then the light went out,
the last of the uneasy kisses,
and then she was alone in the dark,
and the darkness started to grow there, in her room,
as it liked to do, and then the night began.


Interesting Facts

In the interest of updating my blizz-og, and because I found some of these keepable, here are a few facts (possibly) I got in an email forward.

P.S. I'm not dead, I'm just in 1569 until November 2nd. Cute pictures on Facebook and by request.

-Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%

-Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

(Which I guess isn't that shocking once you truly consider North America . . . those upper Canadian regions are vast and untamed.)

-If a statue is a person on a mount, it can mean one of three things: if the horse has reared up, the person died in battle. If the horse has one leg up, the person died of wounds sustained in battle. If all four legs are on the ground, the person died of natural causes.


-In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Thus, "Goodnight, sleep tight." (I bet those ropes could double for some kinky bondage . . . just sayin' . . . )

-In Babylon, it was an accepted practice that for a month after a wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month. Thus, "honeymoon."

I just thought these few things were interesting and worth noting. If true, anyway.


<3 My Pitties.

Seriously?  Fuck Michael Vick.  Any person who act so heinously to a fellow creature deserves worse.  Stronger sentence, shunned from profession . . . but what, ho?  He's signed?  Swell.  Shit makes me sick.
See that sweet face?  He killed many just like him.



I don't know why I feel such a goddamn heavy attachment to people who have not thought on me in ages; why I feel such remorse at our closeness passing.  Even our perception of closeness.  I suppose it's like a faulty investment . . . I took a risk in putting everything into it, blindly, only to be taken and not receive back what I gave.  Will no one love me as unconditionally as I love?  Why does it seem that the people I have deemed my closest companions drift into the past effortlessly?  

It angers me that I should even rue people who are undeserving.

The crux lies in that I thought they were deserving at the time.  Ha.  Foolish me.

I could cry to think that maybe the only peer I can truly see myself loving is hundreds of miles away.  

Why is this even OCCURRING to me at this moment?  All of a sudden all of this rage flows through me, sloshing about my insides.

I take such small things so personally.  Maybe she's not cutting contact, maybe she just declined.  Maybe she doesn't hate you for some reason, and she's just busy and doesn't see you at work anymore.  



Jay kay, jay kay you temperamental fuck.

And OH HEY I'm your Facebook friend now!  Forget the fact that I abandoned you without contact for oh, nigh on five years for no apparent reason.

My throat is clenched in anger.  My eyes threaten to betray to the uncaring dark.

I should maybe rage more often so I don't startle myself next time . . . 


My Corset

Mine corset brings all the girls to the lea, and they think, 'tis better than thee!


Massive Update.

Oh, how I have neglected my journal for some time, to perhaps one person's chagrin. (Love you darling.) I shall abridge my thoughts all into one, as they do jumble about.

Firstly. I am no longer employed at The Shelter. Those closest to me know that it was terribly love/hate for some time, and relationships got quite messy towards the end of my employment.


Never befriend your boss. Never. Never ever. Even if there is a precedent and you feel secure about it. ::sigh:: There are many things I miss about that environment. But there are many more that I am glad to have washed my hands of. The Shelter is just too big an undertaking for one small person such as I, and you very much get into the fixer-up mode with a cause like that. Fixing that place is MUCH MORE than a coordinated effort, much less something that can be shouldered by one person, no matter how dedicated.

Secondly, fuck the police. Seriously. I already had a sour encounter with one, and now this? (This is something I cannot discuss as the court date and sentencing is pending, but ask and you shall receive. It just isn't something I can publicly rant about yet, even though I do my best to keep this blog anonymous. I would nearly die if something I said came back to cause someone I love a harsher sentence.)

And thirdly, and most beautifully . . . ::sigh:: Those of you that keep up (which is fairly easy considering how often I update) know that Ed recently lost his grandmother. Well . . . before she began to lose her bearings she and Ed's gramp discussed handing down her engagement ring to Ed, and thusly, to me.

I could have cried to hear this.

The only reason I am aware of its occuring is because Ed wanted to make absolutely sure it would be something I was okay with (you know, having some dead lady's ring) . . . but I'll be goddamned if that isn't the sweetest most heartfelt thing I've ever been involved in, ever. They thought and think so highly of me that they would let me continue the wearing of a ring with a precedent of 70+ solid years of pure, true love? I nearly cried upon hearing of this gift. No one has ever thought of me so well. I thought her bands went with her to eternity. I'm just . . . so incredibly honoured to continue on with her love.


Ed tells me it's beyond beautiful. I know I'm sure to see it soon. And yes, the suspense is killing me.


Numero Duo


Okay, so. As a rule, I try to avoid pooing in public places, but sometimes, it is unavoidable. While I was manning the offsite adoption center the other day it became apparent that one of these times was approaching.

Somewhere in this monstrous pet store dwells an employee bathroom, but as I have yet to discover it, I moseyed to the familiar public one.

The first sign of trouble was that there were already two people in the restroom, and that my only option was the center stall. Great. I go in, pull down my pants, and settle in for the long haul.

Now if you're like me, you don't poo when other people are in there. You wait. I don't know why, but I just can't poo when people are around, listening, thinking about me next to them dropping a deuce. So now it's the waiting game.

The girl on my left filters out fairly quickly, but it becomes abundantly clear that the lady next to me has the same poo policy.

We find ourselves in an awkward "Wait Off." No words, just instinctual stubbornness. This bitch even goes so far as to pull a nail file out of her purse and go to town. No way, lady. I got no where to be. You can't power move ME.

After a good five minutes (and it doesn't sound long, but in potty-stand off mode it is an ETERNITY), another person comes in to go, and righty is done with her manicure.

She gets up, likely unfinished and defeated, and leaves me to my business.



MJ, Elizabethanized.


Verse 1
I likened my lady to that of a dazzling star upon a moving portrait
Quoth I, “It matters not, but pray, what meaneth thou by calling my name?”
Who among thee will Gay Gordon on the canvas of our hocks?
Quoth she, “You be him that Gay Gordons on said canvas.”

Verse 2
She then confided me her name whilst she did make much ado
All the court was upon me, all eyne fanciful with delusions of grandeur
Who among thee will Gay Gordon on the canvas of our hocks?

All mine company advises to move purposefully
One cannot destroy that which is held most dear within their bosom
The centre of my creation e'er spoketh: do not give of yourself freely
Move with calculation else the devil will sit upon the lips of the masses

This wench, she be not mine love
She simply be a guttersnipe with mine name on her lips
Nay, the child be not of my seed
Upon her grave I be so, yet he be not mine.


Getting to Know You Survey, Ren Faire.

{Minack Theatre, unknown location}


HOME: Here


BORN & RAISED: There. Just a county over.

WHAT, IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? Earthtones, usually. They tend to vary with mood.

IF YOU COULD BUILD YOUR DREAM HOUSE ANYWHERE? It's not so much "where" as where I wouldn't be if I chose a particular place. I wish I could live anywhere andstill be near what's important.

WHO WOULD PLAY YOU IN THAT MOVIE BASED ON YOURLIFE? I'd humour any interpretation of me. Watching would be interesting.

BIRTHDAY: May 12, 1984. My quarter life crisis fast approaches! (Indeed, has already passed)

FAVORITE BOOKS: Chronicles of Narnia, Harry P, His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman, 1984, Discworld series, Hitchhiker's Guide series all come immediately to mind. Delving into excerpts of the Upanishads and Vedas currently.

MUSIC PREFERENCES: Everyone's saying eclectic, but it's true of me as well. From showtunes to Eminem, my harddrive is quite diverse. Right now I've been on a folk/Brit/indie kick; Feist, Kate Nash, Regina Spektor.

FAVORITE ALL TIME CD: POTO was my anthem for a long time. Still adore it.

WHAT DO YOU DO AWAY FROM FAIRE: As I alluded to with my "poo" intro, I work at the Place (for those out of the area, read "animal shelter"). Scooping kennels is only the start of a typical day. Job titles include Animal Care Technician, Lost & Found Coordinator, and Offsite Adoption Counselor. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced. I couldn't give you a straight answer as to why I would live paycheck to paycheck to work there,"squandering" my education as some would put it.

SONG YOU WISH YOU HAD WRITTEN: I don't feel a particular want of ownership of any one song, as long as I can sing them.

MOST INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE TO DATE: I'd be dead without my mom, from childbirth to her guidance along the way.

FAVORITE FILMS: I'm as all over the board on this one as music. Give me Henson, give me Disney, give me drama, action, fantasy.

TV SHOWS (CURRENT): Lucky there's a Family Guy.

TV SHOWS (ALL TIME): Still holding out for that $200 Monty Python box set (yeah right.)

WHAT DO YOU DRIVE: A 2005 Chevy Aveo dubbed "Sinmobile". Good story, that.



FAVORITE INEBRIATING BEVERAGE: Love ciders: Magner's, Woodchuck pear. I tend to get quite girly too: Dirty Girl Scouts, Mudslides, Jolly Ranchers.

CELEBRITY OF FANTASY: Johnny Depp. Yes please.

FAVORITE PLAY: Into the Woods, Equus, Long Day's Journey into Night come to mind.

FAVORITE FAIRE MOMENT AS PATRON/CAST MEMBER: As a patron, when I was a giddy,dressed up teenager, my friends and I met a cast member who was supposed to be some French guy. I then proceeded to one up his French skills by confusing him with gramatical idiosyncrasies. Delightful! And I was/am e'er impressed by a perfect kiss to the hand.

WHERE DO YOU GO TO FIND YOURSELF AND PERSPECTIVE: "In my own little corner in my own little chair . . . " Really, I don't have a physical place. It's usually inside.

FAVORITE SAYINGS: I say "oh snap" quite a bit. When incredulous I tend to say "question mark?" at the end of an inquiry. To divert focus from inappropriate/off-colour statements, I follow them immediately with a "Who said that?"

ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF: Endurance popped into my head first. For proper tense/part of speech to fulfill the question properly, I'll go with "survivour".


FAVORITE ICE CREAM: Mint chocolate chip.





Grannie ~

Although it's somewhat childish and silly, I wanted to send you off with some reflections. More for me, perhaps, than you, but with the most sincere of intentions.

My immediate impression of you about five years ago was that of infinite warmth and acceptance. You and Gramps were at once welcoming of me as Ed's girlfriend; and your door was always open to me, even in his absence.

Any one of us would have loved to see you walk again ~ and the strides you did make! ~ but it was never to be. Ed will likely always revile goats because of it. (I've never been altogether fond of them anyway.)

But really, the purpose of these unspoken words is to voice the deep regret I feel when considering your death.

Regret that we couldn't have more time with you.

Regret that you will never see us wed.

Regret that you will never know your great~grandchildren.

For the brief time I did know you, I loved you in return; accepted you in return.

We will miss you, Grannie.

I will miss you.

Helen Osborne

2/21/1920 - 5/6/2009



{The best to come from the worst.}

Maya: Hey.
Maya: I appreciate the random lurking.
Hell: hey darling
Hell: heh
Hell: I'm creepy
Maya: No, not creepy. Supportive in a way.
Hell: cool. I'm sorry it's being rough for you.
Maya: I had a really detrimental panic attack at work and now it's come down to I leave or get fired pretty soon.
Hell: I wield whimsy to banish sorrow.
Hell: oh poop
Hell: that's ass
Maya: Ed's Gram was dying (is dead now) and I needed off work to go see her with him, and they were like, no. Find coverage.
Maya: I eventually did but not before freaking out and involving upper escelons (or whatever that word is). Now I'm being cited for insubordination and whatever other foibles my once friend could come up with.
Hell: yah, tragically places that are cool with that are in the minority
Hell: /comfort
Maya: Well the irony is that it drew me into thinking it was.
Maya: Or I would never have revealed that side of my life.


Maya: I've never really felt in control.
Maya: That there's always a contrary force at play.
Maya: But I always try. Because I have to.
Hell: aye
Maya: I've just given so much to this damn place for betrayal to sit well. But I knew. I knew when they "fired" me the first time lol.
Hell: allowing yourself to get hung up on their bullshit is the same thing as letting them win.
Hell: Stand above it.
Maya: I just . . . am so angry I let myself believe it was the place of potential I knew it could be than what it really is.
Hell: yah,
Hell: i know.
Hell: the best revenge is living well.


ABC's of Me.

From Madam Wench.

Age: 24, gonna be 25! My quarter life crisis fast approaches!
Bed Size: Queen, although more like full once Tobias has way.
Chore You Hate: Cleaning the bathroom. Anyone who does not SIT to PEE should be made to.
Dog's Name: None yet.
Essential Start Your Day Item: Consciousness.
Favourite Colour: Earthtones.
Gold, Silver, or Platinum: Silver. I want my wedding band to merge silver and gold together.
Height: 5'4''.
Instruments You Play: Piano. I'm fairly good at dabbling on foreign ones.
Job Title: Animal Care Technician, Lost & Found Coordinator, Offsite Adoption Counselor.
Kid(s): 2 mebbe! No where near ready for them now.
Living Arrangements: A 2BR townhouse with my love.
Mom's Name: Tracy.
Nicknames: Variations of my given name, Elflocks, BanDan.
Overnight Hospital Stay: The first rule about inpatient is you don't talk about inpatient.
Pet Peeves: I get angsty about aspects of the shelter a lot.
Quote from a Movie: I more often quote Family Guy. My latest fav is Peter's rendition of Axel F.
Right or Left Handeed: Left.
Siblings: Two younger brothers.
Time You Wake Up: Whenever of my own will, an hour before shifts otherwise.
Underwear: None!
Vegetable You Dislike: Any bean besides the string variety.
Ways You Run Late: Hitting the snooze button.
Yummy Food You Like: I'm up for trying most anything.
Zoo Favourite: I haven't been to a zoo in a significant amount of time. Exotics are always intriguing.


I've Done 84 Out of 132 Things.

Have you ever...? (Cause really, what do people do at 11:30 at night?)

Level 1
(x) Smoked A Cigarette
( ) Smoked A Cigar
(x) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
(x) Drank Alcohol

Level 2
(ish) Fell In Love with non living thing
(x) Been Dumped
( ) Shoplifted
(x) Been Fired
( ) Been In A Fist Fight

Level 4
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(x) Skipped School
(x) Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Someone/Something Die

Level 5
( ) Had/Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been to Spain
(x) Been On A Plane
( ) Thrown Up From Drinking

Level 6
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding/Skiing
( ) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook
( ) Been in a Mosh Pit

Level 7
( ) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers
(x) Love/Loved Someone Who You Can't Have
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(x) Made A Snow Angel

Level 8
(x) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
( ) Gone mudding
(x) Played Dress Up

Level 9
(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
(x) Gone Sledding
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game
(x) Been Lonely
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work/School

Level 10
(x) Watched The Sun Set
( ) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Killed A Snake

Level 11
(x) Been Tickled
(x) Been Robbed/Vandalized
( ) Been cheated on
(x) Been Misunderstood

Level 12
(x) Won A Contest
( ) Been Suspended From School
( ) Had Detention
( ) Been In A Car/Motorcycle Accident

Level 13
(x) Had/Have Braces
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Danced in the moonlight

Level 14
(x) Hated The Way You Look
( ) Witnessed A Crime
( ) Pole Danced
(x) Questioned Your Heart
( ) Been obsessed with post-it-notes

Level 15
(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(x) Been Lost
(x) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(x) Swam In The Ocean
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying

Level 16
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons/Colored Pencils/Markers
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

Level 17
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(x) Made a Prank Phone Call
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
( ) Kissed In The Rain

Level 18
(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(x) Watched The Sun Set/ Sun Rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or Anywhere

Level 19
( ) Crashed A Party
( ) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(x) Gone Rollerskating/Blading
(x) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey

Level 20
(x) Worn Pearls
( ) Jumped Off A Bridge
( ) Swore at the teacher, in front of them
(x) Swam With Dolphins

Level 22
( )Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/Ice Cube
( ) Kissed A Fish
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(x) Sat On A Roof Top

Level 23
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(x) Done/Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
( )Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
(x) Recently Stayed Up For A While Talking To Someone You Care About

Level 24
( ) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(x) Climbed A Tree
(x) Had/Been In A Tree House
(x) Been Scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

Level 25
(x) Believed In Ghosts
( ) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
( ) Gone Streaking
( ) Visited Jail

Level 26
( ) Played Chicken
(x) Been Pushed Into A Pool With All Your Clothes On
( ) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
( ) Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused

Level 27
(x) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
(x) Made A Porn Video
(x) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed

Level 28
(x) Mooned/Flashed Someone
(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(x) Cheated On A Test
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name
( ) French Braided Someones Hair
(x) Gone Skinny Dipping
( ) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(x) Tried to hurt yourself

Level 29
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
(x) Had A Cavity
( ) Black-Mailed Someone
( ) Been Black Mailed

Level 31
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs
(x)Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone

Level 32
( ) Been Shot At/Or At Gunpoint
( ) Had sex in the rain
( ) Flattened someones tires
(x) Rode your car/truck until the gas light came on
( ) Got five dollars or less worth of gas



I'll be sure to post the healed version as well. Sooo pleased with how it turned out.



{"Like a Daydream or a Fever" by Fahad Alkadi}

I think I'm afraid to be happy.

To let myself feel happiness.

To stay in a state of elation for more than a brief moment.

If I linger I may step too closely to that which I cannot control.

But exerting this control over myself only leads to deeper sadness. Not even sadness. A state of grey. Neutral. Contentment. But not really.

Very soon I'm going to have to feel. I will want to, it will be inevitable. Maybe I should prep medicinally.


I'm getting my first tattoo tomorrow! I'm hella excited, and will be sure to post pictures.


Information Leak!

So, my boyfriend has a Mactop. We both use it. I love it. I can browse the net on my stomach or back. It's delightful.

Just now I laid in bed, all snuggly, to surf the webs a bit before a-sleepy time.

And I'm shocked at what I find on the browser.

"Ed? ED? EDDDDMUND?" I call.



He comes upstairs and looks at what I'm indicating.

"Oh . . ." he says and closes out the browser.

"What's that?"

"Nothing . . ."

"What's THAT?"


Boy howdy it's something.

Two somethings in fact.

::girly squeal::


Freakin' Memes.

1.  What are your plans for tomorrow?  I haven't gotten beyond sleeping in yet.  That's my priority.

2.  Do you sleep with stuffed animals?  If by stuffed, you mean with organs, and by animal, you mean Tobias.

3.  Are your parents married or divorced?  They're far from happy, but they're still together.

4.  Do you like tests?  Am terrified of them, and don't really feel they're an adequate gauge of my intelligence.  There's gotta be a better way than the SAT's.

5.  Are you someone's best friend?  I doubt there is one person who would still call me that.

6.  What is the last piercing you got?  My nose, and I think I'm done with piercings.  Any more and I'll get way too holey/sexy.

7.  Do you have a dog?  No, but Ed really wants one.  Tobias kinda freaked out when we tried bringing Sadie the English bulldog home . . . 
Well, that didn't last long.  Just don't have the patience.  Prolly just browse /b/ for the rest of my wakeful hours.  Nothing says I'm apathetic like browsing /b/.  


Dream Deferred.

So . . . I have an audition tomorrow.  Almost two years later, she's back to pursuing the stage.  It feels good; right.  I've missed it.  I just don't know how to sustain myself while doing what I love.  I've tried to stay neutral about auditioning, to not get my hopes up because it is by far a sure thing.  I don't even know what kind of thing it is.  But I didn't realize how much deep inside I want this, however unknown, away from the comfort of familiarity.  

I'm trying to let Mother Mary come to me, but I'm not hearing the wisdom.  I wish I could let it beeeeeee.


Extracted Tooth.

You know, I can't for the life of me remember why loosing teeth was so novel when we were younger.  I suppose it was because it was gradual, and good things came at the end (money).  Well, having a tooth extracted is kinda the same, except it's all at once and the money's going the wrong way.  


Remind me never to neglect a cavity again.


Mysterious Addendum.

I don't know how or why, but my phone mysteriously produced the pictures I thought I had lost that I took at Grammie's:

Side view of the stairs . . .The antique piano it pains me to see go to waste/with the estate . . .And the spring house in one of the fields. I explored it once. Pretty neat.

These things were just in my phone memory, out of the blue one day. It was a bit weird, but I'm glad to have them, regardless of their technological journey. Mom hasn't mentioned anything about the estate or Aunt Anna lately, so I guess nothing much is happening. I wonder when the public auction is.