Thank you so much for your response. I find it so difficult to stay strong in these times. I'm overwhelmed by the thought and care you put into writing to me.
"Who did you seem like?"
-I seemed like . . . the D I want to become.
I find it difficult in times of trial to meditate properly. I feel so swayed and moved by my surroundings that . . . I feel almost pushed into it. A retreat. And inversely when I am able to meditate . . . I become frightened. I feel as if I'll just fade into the tapestry. I need to just let go. I've tried to exert so much control over my surroundings that it has left me spent.
I'm having trouble trusting those around me. I feel as if I cannot trust authority figures anymore. I feel as if my best interest is not the priority.
And I suppose that is why I appreciate your honesty above many others.