Okay, so. As a rule, I try to avoid pooing in public places, but sometimes, it is unavoidable. While I was manning the offsite adoption center the other day it became apparent that one of these times was approaching.
Somewhere in this monstrous pet store dwells an employee bathroom, but as I have yet to discover it, I moseyed to the familiar public one.
The first sign of trouble was that there were already two people in the restroom, and that my only option was the center stall. Great. I go in, pull down my pants, and settle in for the long haul.
Now if you're like me, you don't poo when other people are in there. You wait. I don't know why, but I just can't poo when people are around, listening, thinking about me next to them dropping a deuce. So now it's the waiting game.
The girl on my left filters out fairly quickly, but it becomes abundantly clear that the lady next to me has the same poo policy.
We find ourselves in an awkward "Wait Off." No words, just instinctual stubbornness. This bitch even goes so far as to pull a nail file out of her purse and go to town. No way, lady. I got no where to be. You can't power move ME.
After a good five minutes (and it doesn't sound long, but in potty-stand off mode it is an ETERNITY), another person comes in to go, and righty is done with her manicure.
She gets up, likely unfinished and defeated, and leaves me to my business.
I REIGN VICTORIOUS!